God I Hope Outer Space Wins

Artist's Rendering of What a Bunch of Jerks We Are

Since Barry Bonds shattered the all-time home run record, the recipient of the ball has put it up for auction. It reportedly sold yesterday for $750,000. I suppose that's a lot, but who can say? I've lost all context for value. Anyway, the smart aleck who purchased it set up a web site to "democratize the debate over what to do with it." I didn't realize there was a debate, but hey, I'm not trying to create a media circus to prop myself up.

If you go to this site, you are presented with a pretty straightforward selection process. You can choose either:

A) To send the ball to Cooperstown as is.
B) To brand the ball with an asterisk, and then send the ball to Cooperstown.
C) Shoot the ball into outer space.

I must admit, when I first heard about this stunt I was pretty annoyed. I went to the site fully intending to vote for choice A (although C is by far the best option). Why keep dragging this media nightmare out? Even without the asterisk, the ball will forever carry the tainted memories of what had to be the longest years of Bonds' life. Even in Cooperstown, even among the other giants, that ball will be remembered as much for its place in history as its place in the op-ed columns. We don't need some jerk who calls himself a baseball fan to remind us of what our game has gone through in recent times. Why alter such a significant piece of the game's history?

And then something really special happened: I changed my mind.

As I went to submit my vote I decided, very suddenly, to vote for the asterisk. Perhaps I will regret it. It was a snap decision. But I decided that many years from now, when tempers have cooled, and maybe we even have a new home run king, that people will be able to speak of Bonds as one of the all-time greatest baseball players again. Like Maris before him, the humiliating punctuation mark that diminished what he was able to do will lose out to the sheer weight of the number 756.

And what then of our little ball that we collectively voted to brand?

Over time, it will be the asterisk that diminishes. It will change from a symbol of rage and disillusionment into part of baseball lore, nothing more. Unaccompanied by the hotheads who have criminalized Bonds, it will no longer be the Scarlett Letter forever calling Bonds a cheater, but a record of our time when baseball was under a lot of scrutiny, and reality TV and YouTube and interactive media were reshaping the way we express ourselves.

Most of all, I think that we will grow to be ashamed of what we put Bonds through--after all, he is only an entertainer, and baseball is only a game. But there the asterisk will still be, a reminder to future generations of what we had become: a bunch of raving lunatics and mean people who confused the right to vote with the ability to decide.

That seemed just as pertinent as the home runs. That seemed like something I should vote for.

Make your vote by September 25th.
www.vote756.com