Hate Male

Working alone isn't so bad.

When I accepted the job at the paper, I knew it was only a matter of time before I got some hate mail. I have been in this position before when I submitted other writings (see previous post In Full Disclosure). It is to be expected. After all, I am a local art critic for a free weekly. When you’re at the top, everyone is trying to knock you off.

To do my job you have to have thick skin. Week in and week out I have to go to an art gallery, look at pictures or thingies, think about them, and then sit at my computer and write down what I thought about. As if the grueling schedule wasn’t bad enough, by giving opinions and analysis I put my own character at risk. Though I try to be fair and measured, my fleeting thoughts, drunken diatribes, and rambling soliloquies written several minutes before my deadline are immortalized in print alongside the more mediocre stuff I write for the masses to pore over with clear eyes and sharpened teeth. And last week I made a friend.

His name is Dave, and unlike me, he is a real writer. I know this because he posted a comment below my recent article that was at least as long as my article, and probably twice as well written. In this comment, he made mention of the fact that I am “stealing food from the mouths of real writers.” If that is true, I indeed feel bad about it. I assumed that when the paper hired me they had considered whether I was a real writer, or whether I might be only pretending, and I had taken their word for granted. How embarrassing! Of course, I can sympathize with Dave’s anger. You see, it turns out he is actually a staff writer for my paper.

If I had my druthers, I would probably elect for Dave to send me a personal email regarding his concerns as opposed to publicly berating me. Although we have never met, I think collegiality can go a long way towards building respect. By ambushing me he seems to want to discredit rather than discuss our differing styles and opinions. At any rate, it would certainly have avoided insinuations regarding Dave’s possible jealousy, cowardice, unprofessionalism, and complete inability to identify what is/is not a joke.

I spent the next few days after “the incident” thinking about what I should do. I became depressed, and lost a lot of confidence. I would wake up thinking about possible responses I could post. I imagined meeting Dave and what I might say to him. I realized that if you split his last name up you got the words ‘ma ass,’ as in “I wiped ma ass with your last article.”

In the end I decided not to post a rebuttal, nor did I attempt to contact Dave directly, and I am glad. I am unwilling (or just unable) to write when I am angry, and Dave’s note made me pretty angry. Now that the initial shock has worn off, I feel I can assess Dave’s comments with a clear head, and my clear head feels that most of what Dave wrote was way off the mark. He made some serious accusations about me/my abilities and, though I feel they are unfounded, they are now in the public record. In my lack of direct response is my hope that:

1. Tacit professionalism will win out over gossipy infighting.

2. Subsequent articles will bury any doubt as to my authenticity.

3. Dave is crushed by a falling piano.

I understand that in my position of immense power I am going to make some enemies. As a local art critic I am in the business of judging others’ personal projects, and feelings can get hurt. In some cases, the artists and their peers may feel the need to defend themselves. I am being honest when I say I welcome this. If I misrepresent the artist in someway, or if I am being disingenuous, I would hope that someone might come forward to correct it. I do not wish to abuse my position in order to sway other’s opinions. I aim to be descriptive, analytical, and entertaining. That said, I am new at this and still finding my way. I take what I write seriously, but I also have occasional doubts and anxiety about it. And maybe this is where Dave can actually teach me something. Thanks to his clumsy interpretation and unscrupulous misquoting, I am learning that it will be impossible to get through to everyone, that what is said in jest or hyperbole may be taken literally (no matter how improbable), and especially I have learned that after half a century it is still not ok to tease an avant-garde composer about his work of silence. It’s not funny!