My New Year's Resolutions: Three Decades of Hope
The Early Years (1979-1989)
Age: 2 months (1979) – Drink less milk/Get more exercise
1 year (1980) – Be more outdoorsy
2 (1981) – Stop shitting in pants*
3 (1982) – Become a cheetah
4 (1983) – Complete training with Master Yoda/Defeat the Empire
5 (1984) – Learn to moonwalk
6 (1985) – Build more pillow forts
7 (1986) – Become a black belt through repeat viewings of The Karate Kid
8 (1987) – Get a tattoo, mohawk
9 (1988) – See an R-rated movie with boobs*
10 (1989) – Drink less chocolate milk/Get more exercise
The Teen Years and Early Adulthood (1990-2000)
Age 11 (1990) – Become an expert Archer
12 (1991) – Obtain Hammer Pants*
13 (1992) – Make out with Mindy
14 (1993) – Make out with Mindy
15 (1994) – Make out with someone*
16 (1995) – Get a job to buy more pot*
17 (1996) – Smoke pot out of a human skull while listening to Gangster Rap/Graduate High school**
18 (1997) – Either incinerate the dorms or bring up grades
19 (1998) – Watch more foreign films; try to use the phrase ‘mise-en-scène’*
20 (1999) – Experiment with open relationships*
21 (2000) – Make out with Mindy
Post-graduation and Careers (2001-2009)
Age 22 (2001) – Give up meat/masculinity*
23 (2002) – Become a teacher
24 (2003) – Write a novel
25 (2004) – Novels are dead. Write a screenplay.
26 (2005) – Purchase a foreclosed house built on someone’s broken dreams
27 (2006) – Become a chess Grandmaster
28 (2007) – Become a Firefighter
29 (2008) – Find direction. Take the time to figure out what you want to do with your life.
30 (2009) – Become a cheetah
...
* Denotes that the resolution was accomplished
** Denotes partial accomplishment
IMAGES:
Top—My nephews, Zach and Noah, on Zach's first day of school. Is there any doubt that Noah's resolution is to defeat Venom?
Middle–Adam, Megan, and Friends (and while not technically teenagers in this photo, I feel that they are channeling an adolescence lost as Megan turned 30).
Bottom–Wedding Portrait of the Greeks in my Grandparents' generation. The second from the right in the back row in my Pappou (Greek for grandpa). His name was John Photos.
Age: 2 months (1979) – Drink less milk/Get more exercise
1 year (1980) – Be more outdoorsy
2 (1981) – Stop shitting in pants*
3 (1982) – Become a cheetah
4 (1983) – Complete training with Master Yoda/Defeat the Empire
5 (1984) – Learn to moonwalk
6 (1985) – Build more pillow forts
7 (1986) – Become a black belt through repeat viewings of The Karate Kid
8 (1987) – Get a tattoo, mohawk
9 (1988) – See an R-rated movie with boobs*
10 (1989) – Drink less chocolate milk/Get more exercise
The Teen Years and Early Adulthood (1990-2000)
Age 11 (1990) – Become an expert Archer
12 (1991) – Obtain Hammer Pants*
13 (1992) – Make out with Mindy
14 (1993) – Make out with Mindy
15 (1994) – Make out with someone*
16 (1995) – Get a job to buy more pot*
17 (1996) – Smoke pot out of a human skull while listening to Gangster Rap/Graduate High school**
18 (1997) – Either incinerate the dorms or bring up grades
19 (1998) – Watch more foreign films; try to use the phrase ‘mise-en-scène’*
20 (1999) – Experiment with open relationships*
21 (2000) – Make out with Mindy
Post-graduation and Careers (2001-2009)
Age 22 (2001) – Give up meat/masculinity*
23 (2002) – Become a teacher
24 (2003) – Write a novel
25 (2004) – Novels are dead. Write a screenplay.
26 (2005) – Purchase a foreclosed house built on someone’s broken dreams
27 (2006) – Become a chess Grandmaster
28 (2007) – Become a Firefighter
29 (2008) – Find direction. Take the time to figure out what you want to do with your life.
30 (2009) – Become a cheetah
...
* Denotes that the resolution was accomplished
** Denotes partial accomplishment
IMAGES:
Top—My nephews, Zach and Noah, on Zach's first day of school. Is there any doubt that Noah's resolution is to defeat Venom?
Middle–Adam, Megan, and Friends (and while not technically teenagers in this photo, I feel that they are channeling an adolescence lost as Megan turned 30).
Bottom–Wedding Portrait of the Greeks in my Grandparents' generation. The second from the right in the back row in my Pappou (Greek for grandpa). His name was John Photos.
Labels: Archery, boobs, cheetahs, Chess, Firefighters, Gangster Rap, marijuana, MC Hammer, mise-en-scene, Pillow Forts, R-rated movies, The Karate Kid, Yoda
posted by John Photos at
7:38 PM
2 Comments:
A question and some comments:
What was the boob movie?
Funny how you equate meat eating and masculinity. Funny, but true.
And I wasn't trying to recapture a lost adolescence at medieval times, just a lost (and now found) awesomeness. Best birthday EVER.
It seems there has been some questions regarding a few of the items on this post, foremost among them, as Megan has so boldly addressed publicly, is which movie(s) I viewed that contained boob shots? (I thought that with cable and the internet in practically every home that people wouldn't be so hard up.)
I can remember staying over at my friend Ryan's house, where we were largely left alone to watch HBO and Cinemax as we pleased, and viewing R-rated gems such as Aliens, Commando, Predator, and of course Porky's. I can also remember my mother, upon my return, asking what we had done, me telling her that we watched a movie, she asking which movie, and me saying "Scrooged." I know that I used old Bill Murray as my goto guy at least twice because I also remember my mother saying "Again?" To this day, I have never seen that movie.
One other clarification I need to make is for (1996) which was marked as having been only partially resolved. As my friend DC pointed out, this could mean:
A)You smoked weed from a human skull while listening to something other then gangster rap (or in complete silence)
B)You smoked weed, but not from a human skull, while listening to gangster rap
C)You smoked weed from a non-human skull
I admit, I was pretty angry at this point in my life, and I wanted to inflict my pain on others. Thankfully, I never was able to procure a human skull and thus my resolution fell slightly short that year when I was only able to graduate High school. The next year at art school, however, I was able to smoke opium out of a Taun Taun skull. And I thought they smelled bad on the outside!
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home